Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
