DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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