"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
