I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you never un-have a 4some
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
