Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
