Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
