I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
