Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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