Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
