I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
