my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
