His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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