I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
