Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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