operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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