I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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