He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
