I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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