I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
