Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
