i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
