I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
