you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
