Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
