i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
