note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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