Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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