I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
