With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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