So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
