why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
