we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
