why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
