I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
