I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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