I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
