be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sober January is a disaster.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
