A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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