I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
