Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
