I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
