conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
