On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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