That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
