Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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