he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
