I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
