last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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