I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
