sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
