dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
