Define "chronic" masturbator.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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