Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
