hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
